What the hell is going on in the skies?

The skies above Finland have been looking like this…

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And they aren’t dissipating, instead they slowly expand and the sky is all milky white haze. What the hell…

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Weening/tapering off of alcohol

So, this is the deal: I already hold two serious addictions in methadone and benzodiazepines and 1 lesser addiction in quetiapine (low dose to help me sleep).  All these are prescribed to me which is wonderful in the sense that my life-destroying (not talking only about myself; my parents had to sell our house because of my habit) opiate habit got controlled.

Methadone is supposed to be pretty harsh for your liver though, and on top of that 10-12 beers a day is starting to be morbid to say the least… Feeling one’s liver ache should wake one up, right? Right… I just ignore it.

I’m just wondering if it’s possible to ween/taper off of alcohol, first down to a low amount (just to keep delirium tremens away) and later to zero. Start off by reducing one or two cans per week or something like that until one is down to… say, 4 cans of beer a day.  I would like to avoid detox facility until I’ve tried to control my alcoholism myself. Not holding too much hope but I would like to… well, I HAVE TO try. I think I have only a limited time in this life if I don’t remove this fucking alcoholism which I hate, but still I have to drink. Or get fucked up in other ways, like pregabalin (Lyrica) or speed, albeit very very rarely.

Cannabis is something I wouldn’t give up. It’s just too good. 🙂 Anyway, another monologue which I probably have forgotten about come tomorrow. But hey…

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I have moved!

On 06.06.2016 I finally moved to a new apartment. And boy do I love this apartment. 31 squares is fine and dandy for me, especially as there is a glassed/enclosed balcony and a friggin’ OWN shower! My fucking own shower! Why is this a big deal? The apartment where I lived past 10 and a half years didn’t have a in-apartment shower, so I had to use the public one in the sauna… yeah, this new apartment is like a blessing to me!

It’s absolutely beautiful thing to move to a pristine apartment and do everything within your power to keep the place clean and tidy. I love it!

Other things: I still have a month of “kuntouttava työtoiminta” (some type of group course to rehabilitate and prepare you for future work life I guess) and I just learned yesterday, that once this particular “course” is done, you can continue doing stuff in this place (TST Ry, which means Unemployed of Turku pretty much) so my future seems relatively bright at the moment. 🙂 All is good, as they say.

Alright, that’s it for now!

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Today’s been a bad day, money-wise

Today I’ve lost more money than I have in a while. I started 5$ SNG’s and seemingly I just got kicked down quite hard. I’m back to 3$ SNG’s for a while (dropped under 100xbin, which is debatably enough to play 5$ ones but I wanna keep a good-sized buffer, no re-depositing!), I just get more stressed out from 5$’s I think. Last month was almost 80$ profit, but today I’ve tanked that and more. Oh well, gotta analyze – I know I’ve done bad decisions, but I think tanking this big was a bit more than I deserved play-wise, at least I think so. Not that it matters now.

Thank god for good music… 😎

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Decisive hand in a 5$ 9-max SNG heads-up

I was running really good throughout this Sit’n’Go and the effective stack (my opponent’s) was a bit over 31 big blinds. I had 8,1k in chips (a bit over 48BB’s) when I look down at pocket sixes on a button. I make it 2,5xBB and my opponent calls.

Flop comes 5d-2s-3c and my opponent checks to me. I bet around 2/3rd of the pot and then the villain snaps re-raise all-in. This is the part I’m not sure if I should call, but call I did – I’m not exactly sure if it was a right decision. He could’ve flopped a wheel (for 6-high straight I hold two blockers so that’s unlikely) or any set. He could also have 77 or 88, although I feel he should’ve shoved with those preflop.

So, using Poker Strategy.com’s Equilab I construct a range (probably a pretty bad range, because I’m not very good with ranges yet) for him. I include 77-99, 22-55, A2-A6, Q5-Q4, K5-K4, 64-54s, 78 and then couple of possible but not extremely probable bluffs like KQ-KJ and QJ.

Against this range I would have slightly over 64% equity, pot odds are 1.43:1 (41%). Was it a call or a fold? I’m still not sure. Anyway, I call as mentioned and opponent flips over 95o for a top-pair so I’m a bit over 4-to-1 favourite. Turn is a great card for me, 3 of spades and I’m now almost 9-to-1 favourite. Well, river comes 9 of diamonds and I lose a huge part of my stack and I wasn’t able to come back. Second place for 12,15$ (5$ SNG).

Was it a call? I’m leaning towards calling but as I’m not that seasoned poker player I can’t say for sure. In the end, I can’t be too sad about the decision. Let’s just go to the next SNG. 🙂

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Steven Wilson is a genius

I’ve been a huge fan of Porcupine Tree for years, yet I’ve only very recently immersed myself to the solo project of Mr. Wilson. All I can say is that the guy is a genius. From Insurgentes to the latest Hand. Cannot. Erase and the EP-like 4 1/2 are absolute masterpieces. Currently my favourite is Hand. Cannot. Erase, but The Raven That Couldn’t Sing (and Other Stories) is just as awesome.

I really recommend anyone liking progressive rock or Porcupine Tree to check these albums out. I’m absolutely hooked – Steven Wilson doesn’t seem to do bad albums.

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Poker as a “semi-job”

First of all, I’m a social bum. Yes, I live by the money social services pay me monthly – this is not a big sum, but it’s enough to just survive. Why aren’t I looking for a job you may ask? Well, it’s a long story and I’m not going into huge detail here. Let’s just say that I’m not fit to work, especially bodily work. And I don’t have any education apart from elementary school, which I also flunked pretty bad.

Anyway, I started playing poker for a fun years ago and I was (am) very bad, ranging from losing to break-even at most. Lately I’ve been trying to take poker seriously and see it as a job, trying to make any extra income I can.  This is not saying much, I play in so small stakes and don’t multi-table more than 2 tables so the hourly rate is low. But, like I said, any extra income is more than welcome and because I’m a social bum without a job, focusing on poker as a job is something I like to do. It’s better than nothing.

I usually play Sit’n’gos and spend at least 6 hours – usually more – grinding the tables. I’m slowly improving but I’m still no way near good enough to make steady income. But hey, that’s not the point for me – as long as I’m able to make anything on top of my measly social service income I’m more than happy. And apart from the monetary side, poker is teaching me mathemathics and financial management, which can’t be anything but good. I’m taking rigorous statistics of my poker income (or lack of on certain days). I’m taking poker as a job, not as a hobby anymore.

 

So yeah, since I started documenting everything (1.12.2015) rigorously with this software called Hold’em Manager 2, the net income graph is actually going up pretty nicely. Slowly sure, but it’s still going up. I’ve learned to be disciplined when it comes to poker, folding hands I’ve never would’ve in the past. I’m studying and reading about poker more than ever. Things are looking good.

 

Thank you, poker!

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My new writing adventure

So, I decided to create an outlet for for writing any random thoughts and ramblings I might have, this is it. I mostly play poker, video games and listen to lots of different kind of music – so that’s what you will most likely encounter here.

This is just an introductory post but in future I will hopefully be able to spew things on my mind to a textual format. Not that they are very interesting reading, but this is mostly just for my own amusement.

Anyway, let’s see how this turns out to be…

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